Restoring Us: Conflict in Relationships

Bob Schwahn | Lead Pastor | May 19, 2024

Matthew 5:9 (NIV)
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

James 1:2-4 (NIV)
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 4:1-2a (NIV)
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.

“You know what the problem is? I’m just not getting what I want.”

Question: What do I want that I am not getting?

James 4:2b-3 (NIV)
You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV)
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Romans 12:18 (NIV)
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Reflection Questions:

1. How was conflict handled in your home growing up? How did that shape you? What is your style for handling conflict? (denial, withdrawal, anger, argue, fight to win, …)
2. What makes navigating conflict difficult for you?
3. True or False: In Christ’s Kingdom, conflict is a good thing. Explain your answer.
4. What do I want that I am not getting? Do you agree that this is a powerful question in dealing with conflict? Why or why not?
5. Why is it important to know that the first step in conflict resolution is dealing with your own heart and desires? How can this be helpful in conflict situations? How do we discern our own heart and know what it actually is that we want that we are not getting?
6. When we share what we want in the midst of conflict, why do you think it important to share our wants/desires for 1) ME, 2) for THEM, and 3) for US?
7. Share an example of conflict that you handled poorly? What could you have done differently?
8. How have you seen well-handled conflict create growth in your character and your relationships?
9. Where do you have an opportunity to move toward someone in conflict? In that conflict, what do you want that you are not getting? What part of the conflict do you need to own?

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Notes Page: https://journeybozeman.com/sermons/notes/2024.05.19.pdf